Updated:
05/03/03

 Top Ten Ways to Monitor the Temperature in our Kingdom Halls
Author:  Unknown

Here are a few ideas that might help the brothers decide who should be put in charge of that pesky thermometer, and how they should decide what temperature to keep it at.

1) The brother put in charge should be an appointed brother. This only stands to reason, since he would have to be mature enough to withstand and deal with all of the criticism that this post would entail.

2) The brother should not have a vested interest in what the temperature should be. This means he should not have a wife, mother, mother-in-law or sister who is suffering from P.M.S., is pregnant, has a baby or small children, be pre menopausal, going thru menopause, or be post menopausal. (a single, orphaned brother would be perfect) (if you have ever been irritated at the brother who set the controls, imagine finding out that you are related to him...and then imagine the ride home from the Kingdom Hall)

3) This brother should not be the sort that wears tee shirts and shorts outside in the middle of winter. Obviously he has no concept of what 'cold' means. He should also not be one who wears a sweater in the middle of a heat wave, as 'heat' means nothing to this man.

4) Being hard of hearing and nearsighted is an asset, because the brother would not be distracted from either his duties, or his enjoyment of the meeting, when brothers or sisters shoot him 'looks' and whisper about the current Kingdom Hall temperature.

5) The brother should have lots of other responsibilities. (This makes it harder for those with complaints to track him down.)

6) Ideally, this brother should be from ANOTHER congregation. (Possibly he can go into the hall before the meeting, set the temperature, and then leave.)

7) It might be possible for him to keep a box of lap blankets, shawls or fans in the closet of the Kingdom Hall. Uncomfortable sisters (or brothers) could avail themselves of added warmth or a cooling aid. (Bottles of chilled water are NOT necessary.)

8) A brother with a medical background would be helpful, because then he could correctly access whether the sister (or less usually, brother) is actually suffering from hypothermia or heat stroke, and act accordingly. ) (Note: a legal contract could be drawn up absolving the brother in case someone should "catch their death of cold", or "die of heatstroke")

 9) The brother who is put in charge of the internal temperature of the Kingdom Hall should be the same one that is put in charge of opening and closing the doors during the meeting. ("drafts"¹ are a whole subject unto themselves, and should be considered accordingly.)

10) The brother in charge of the thermometer should not be dyslexic. It is necessary for him to tell the difference between 59' and 95'.

¹The subject of "drafts": A "draft" is ANY gust of wind or air that enters a building and comes into contact with the skin or hair of any human. A "cold draft" is subject to criticism (see #1) of the above list.) A "warm draft" does not exist. Any moving air that is warm is either: too hot, too stuffy or too annoying.

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